Our first days

Me being a hairstylist this kids had no chance!!!! In the month that we had him he had 4 haircuts!!!!!! Hey after the last haircut he wasn't whining anymore about it hurting!!! Lol he came to us with not that many clothes and everything was so abrupt he was in 2 different homes in 2 days! (not because of him or foster parents) we were his only foster parents. ISo the first day I had to work at the salon so i needed that car seat so my in laws came over and met him then i had to work at the salon so i took him with me and plus everyone wanted to meet him. So he got his first haircut his hair hadn't been cut for about 4 months so he got it cut and met all the ladies in the salon and they spoiled him!!! They helped a lot with clothing that we didn't have to buy! Then my mom wanted to meet him so before then we had to buy some clothes and of course a swimming suit cause we were going to do a lot of swimming. Then we met my mom for lunch and he played on the playground at chick fil a. Then after that we had to meet his caseworker to make sure he is doing ok so we met her and she was surprised he did so well his first night then we went swimming and he met a new friend who they will also be fostering soon. She was super excited to meet him. Oh I had to buy floaties cause xavior did not know how to swim (three weeks into swimming he pretty much could swim without his floaties!!!!! I am a proud mama that I could teach someone how to swim (I should have realized I could since I was on my hs swim team )) needless to say he had a very busy day!! Michael had to work late that night so when he came home xavior was asleep so michael comes home and he opens his bedroom door and goes in to check on him. How cute is that!!!! The whole time we had him every weekend I would help take care if michaels grandma since she was bed ridden and what a special experience that was!!! So our first weekend I brought him with me while I watched grandma and then that Sunday michael took him to church!!!! I was so sad cause I wanted to see him go! He did great and michael told me he stayed with him for a little bit to make sure he didn't get scared!! Hahahaha this kid never got scared. Then michael went to go check in on him to see if he was doing ok!! I love it!! Michael and xavior were buddies the whole time but he knew who was boss he knew who to come to for things lol. I love and miss that kid so much. He would flash this beautiful smile all the time.

Out of nowhere!!

Sorry this is late I have been meaning to update but it's been a crazy summer!! I did start a post and the. I lost it all so that kind of made me mad I had to type it up again!!
So in mid June I quit one of my three jobs cause I was miserable there. Then I was looking for work and stressing my hubby out that I hadn't found a job. I usually can find a job really fast but I wasn't getting any callbacks!!! We thought for sure after the fourth I would have started a job well I didn't!! My birthday was the third and the fourth is my fav holiday so I do a birthday celebration for well who's kidding I celebrate all month lol!!!! I learned the reason I love celebrating my birthday so much is because that's the closest thing that I have to my birth mother I hope she celebrates it and hasn't forgotten about me or my birthday!!! Well the the 11th me and Ashley who I work with at the salon she invites me to come over and go swimming at her pool so I said ok and as we were tanning I get a ph call usually I don't answer indie notified numbers but since I was looking for a job I answered it!!!!! Hi Mary Ellen?! ""Yes??!! " "This is Dana from child and family services, we have a 5 yr old little boy who needs a home ASAP!!! I had to ask all my caseworkers who has a family that can take one kid?! Your name was sent back to me!! I don't have any information on him except that he's cute and toe headed and has a great smile!!! He is being removed from his house today and we need a home for him right now, I need to know if u can take him?! " "ummmm ok well let me call my husband?!" "Ok well call me back ASAP!!!!!!". So I called my hubby and talked to him for 15 min discussing the pros and cons when I get a phone call from dana asking me if I've talked to my hubby I told I am at the moment and she tells me ok well call me ASAP and just to let u know he has a great smile and is toe headed and the cutest kid!!!! In my head I'm thinking I don't care what the kid looks like I want to know how he behaves?!
So let me back up a bit when we talked to our caseworker we told her we did NOT want certain behaviors in in our home especially since this will be our first kid. We also did NOT NOT NOT want to be put on the list to be called at a moments notice!! So to get this call was not what we thought would happen?! So in my mind as I'm talking to my hubby and Dana I'm thinking this kid is supposed to be in our home if we are being asked so blindly!!
I forgot to mention I called michael at work and when I got a hold of him I told him to sit down!! Mind u we are definitely not expecting a ph call from dcfs!! so I hear him sit down and I'm all r u ready for this?! Remember I'm looking for a job!! So I tell him and it's a good thing he was sitting down cause that was a lot to take in. He thought I was gonna tell him I found a job!! But I wouldn't have told him to sit down unless I'd be making 100k a yr lol which would never happen!!!! So in a half hr of talking he kind of left it up to me!! That's a big decision to leave up to one spouse but I had to go with what I was feeling!!!
Then came panic and stress and emotions!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was still at the pool mind u so I had to leave and I thought I had to go pick him up and we had just let my xo worker at the salon borrow it for the wk!!! So I was panicky and called her I had some extra car seats so she headed over! Then I had to hurry and straighten up the house and vacuum! Then they came with the car seat and it ended up I didn't have to pick him up they were going to bring him so I didn't need the car seat and my mother in law had a booster we could borrow since he is 5 I didn't need the front facing car seat!! Hey I'm learning I didn't know which car seat went to what kind of kid?! I do know which one goes for a baby give me some credit!!!! So michael comes home and we had two Char Mona heather and baby Sophia all there and we are just taking and I'm meeting baby Sophia who is chars granddaughter and her mom heather for the first time ( Sophia was placed up for adoption to heather by chars daughter Sammy they have a very open adoption and it has been so nice to see that side of it since I'm adopted) so as I'm meeting them I'm an emotional wreck!!! I just start crying when I see char and heather who has been through all this emotion too gave me a hug and said its ok it'll be fun and a great experience!!!
Well they left and michael ad I talked about everything!!! Then about 4 hrs after I told them we would take him we got a ph call saying they are on their way to the house!!! That's when I freaked out!!! I was emotional before about some other things and stress of having everything but this time it was about What have I done!!!!!!! So we said a prayer and a half hr later they were saying they were here!!! Then u start panicking and freaking out what have we done?! Michael finally calms me down and in time for the phone call that said we are here!!!!

And we are still waiting!!

Heard from our caseworker and was wondering how we were doing. I asked her why we hasn't heard from anything yet?! She suggested we make some changes to our limitations we haven't really discussed it because we have had some employment changes and focusing on that. In the meantime I keep wondering if we will get a phone call!!!! This is gonna be short and sweet so that's all folks!!!

Mothers day

Some of you might think this would be a hard holiday for me but it's not. I may not be a mother to the worlds eyes but I am a mother. I am a mother figure to my nephews and nieces and all my friends kids! My mom is a great mom and has taught me a lot, the one thing she has taught me is to love everyone I've taken that to a different level on my own. I have opened my heart to anything and am willing to except (well I can't say everything) some things more than others! We are waiting for a call and we have been waiting for two weeks now luckily I have been busy and I haven't thought about it much but today I am thinking about it!!!! I'm at church and probably should be listening to the talks but I'm being selfish and thinking about my feelings and wanting to express them. Especially those that are going through the same thing as me I wish that they will have a peaceful mothers day and know that you are loved by me and by others and especially your Heavenly Father!!

Another meeting and more paperwork!!!!

So we met with our caseworker two wks ago and she explained a lot to us and answered all of our questions which was good cause we had a lot!!!! We filled out more paperwork and answered more questions and she was really nice! She actually is going through the trying to get pregnant thing right now and it reminded me of what we have been through and wondering if one more try and it'll happen?! The hoping game sucks cause you don't want to hope otherwise you are so disappointed when it doesn't work out! It's been about 2 years since we were really trying and going to drs and all of the people around us were pregnant and having their babies and now they are most of them on their second pregnancies! I'm so happy for everyone around us and can't wait to see their little ones ,but I just want one I want to have one feeling one little movement in my belly one little joy or skipped heartbeat for my little one when they hand them in my arms!!! I've heard a couple of friends or family who are trying for another child and it's not happening when they want it to happen and how disappointed they are that it's taken them a couple of months or more and that they might be going through what we r going through and I just wanna tell them to shut the hell up and how dare you tell me that you are having a hard time and.know what I'm going through!!!! I don't have feelings come up like this as often as they used to and when I was thinking of what I was going to write this wasn't even in my thought, but I guess I've hidden a lot of those feelings and thought they were deeper than I thought!! The caseworker asked if we had resolved our feelings towards infertility and were ok to handle fostering I told her yes cause the issue of infertility never goes away just like an alcoholic u take it one day at a time and everyday can be a struggle but after twenty years of sobriety they can falter too just like I did on this post! I am looking forward to getting a call saying would you and your husband like to take in a child and maybe I will be able to have my heart skip a beat?!

A little bump in the road

This last Monday I got a phone call at 8am which isn't too unusual. The voice on the other side was a lady saying your husband has been in an accident he's ok and u can talk to him. He tells me he's ok so I'm hurrying to put on my clothes and then his ph is calling me so I answer and it's a guy telling me he is gonna be in an ambulance and I don't know if u will get here in time before he leaves. As he's telling me this I'm putting on my pants and freaking out and almost fall flat on my face. So the accident was a mile from our house so I hurry and get there and it doesn't look good! I didn't see my husband and started crying and then they told me he was still in the car so I see him and he's ok but doesn't want to take the ambulance I said ok. Later the fireman told me to make him take the ambulance luckily we did!!!!! I took a couple of pictures cause I heard that's the best thing to do. So they get him out of the car and I get in my car and hurry back to the house cause I've been running and freaking out I was starting to have an asthma attack so I went home and got my medicine and put on a bra and hat since I kinda just threw things on!!! Then got to the hospital and had to wait till they checked him in! 9am he's all checked in. 3pm we r checking out!!! He has a full body brace on for his back because he has a compressed bone fracture in his lower back. He has to wear it for four months!!!! He can't bend over he has to shower with the brace and can't do much of anything!!!! While we were waiting to see what was wrong maybe about 10 11 I get a oh call from the ladies insurance wanting a statement!!!! Ummm hes in a lot of pain and under pain Meds so no u can't talk to him idiot!!!!!! The car is totaled!!! So I have to find a new car while he's laid up! When I was helping him with his shower he told me honey you remember when they asked us if we wanted to take in a handicapped child or special needs child? I said yes! He says well I think u can definately take care of any child!!!! So I think once we get our ph call from our caseworker we will postpone a child till he gets better! :(

Ok we can breathe now!!!

So we went through our classes and the next day I got an email from our licensor saying she will be on medical leave and someone will be contacting us to set up our time to get licensed. Well maybe 2 hrs later she called and I set up a time and told Michael! Well michael is my voice of reason he said there is no way we can get it done by then! Soooo we rescheduled to the 29th. Our second room was our catch all room and it needed to be cleaned out so everyday after work I would clean little by little. We also had to get things! One of my friends started a fb page and got people to donate stuff for us which was so amazing!! Then another friend asked her ward members to donate as well! So we didn't really have to buy too much. Luckily there is ksl I purchased a crib on there and some bedding. Then I decided to take this wk off from doing hair to get things cleaned and clean our carpets! My hubby is fabulous and let me hire someone to do some deep cleaning while I did the little things. Once they left I picked up the carpet cleaner and my parents came over to bring a bed for us so we didn't have to make another big purchase right away. So wed night my sis in law was amazing and did us a huge favor and installed some door locks for us. She's so handy!!!!! Then Thursday me and the hubby cleaned and did some more straightening up and waited for the licensor to come. She measured our room and we can only have one child it needs to be 120sq ft and ours is 110 seriously 10 ft is keeping us from having two kids! There are two sometimes three kids in these rooms!! Oh well I should be grateful for having one kid!! So she came checked out our place and asked us a ton of questions! Well we passed!!!! She is inputting our info today and Tuesday's is when the caseworkers get together and go over new foster parents and we will get our own caseworker and we will ask a bunch more questions and then maybe by the end of april we will have a kid!!!!!