Our first days

Me being a hairstylist this kids had no chance!!!! In the month that we had him he had 4 haircuts!!!!!! Hey after the last haircut he wasn't whining anymore about it hurting!!! Lol he came to us with not that many clothes and everything was so abrupt he was in 2 different homes in 2 days! (not because of him or foster parents) we were his only foster parents. ISo the first day I had to work at the salon so i needed that car seat so my in laws came over and met him then i had to work at the salon so i took him with me and plus everyone wanted to meet him. So he got his first haircut his hair hadn't been cut for about 4 months so he got it cut and met all the ladies in the salon and they spoiled him!!! They helped a lot with clothing that we didn't have to buy! Then my mom wanted to meet him so before then we had to buy some clothes and of course a swimming suit cause we were going to do a lot of swimming. Then we met my mom for lunch and he played on the playground at chick fil a. Then after that we had to meet his caseworker to make sure he is doing ok so we met her and she was surprised he did so well his first night then we went swimming and he met a new friend who they will also be fostering soon. She was super excited to meet him. Oh I had to buy floaties cause xavior did not know how to swim (three weeks into swimming he pretty much could swim without his floaties!!!!! I am a proud mama that I could teach someone how to swim (I should have realized I could since I was on my hs swim team )) needless to say he had a very busy day!! Michael had to work late that night so when he came home xavior was asleep so michael comes home and he opens his bedroom door and goes in to check on him. How cute is that!!!! The whole time we had him every weekend I would help take care if michaels grandma since she was bed ridden and what a special experience that was!!! So our first weekend I brought him with me while I watched grandma and then that Sunday michael took him to church!!!! I was so sad cause I wanted to see him go! He did great and michael told me he stayed with him for a little bit to make sure he didn't get scared!! Hahahaha this kid never got scared. Then michael went to go check in on him to see if he was doing ok!! I love it!! Michael and xavior were buddies the whole time but he knew who was boss he knew who to come to for things lol. I love and miss that kid so much. He would flash this beautiful smile all the time.

Out of nowhere!!

Sorry this is late I have been meaning to update but it's been a crazy summer!! I did start a post and the. I lost it all so that kind of made me mad I had to type it up again!!
So in mid June I quit one of my three jobs cause I was miserable there. Then I was looking for work and stressing my hubby out that I hadn't found a job. I usually can find a job really fast but I wasn't getting any callbacks!!! We thought for sure after the fourth I would have started a job well I didn't!! My birthday was the third and the fourth is my fav holiday so I do a birthday celebration for well who's kidding I celebrate all month lol!!!! I learned the reason I love celebrating my birthday so much is because that's the closest thing that I have to my birth mother I hope she celebrates it and hasn't forgotten about me or my birthday!!! Well the the 11th me and Ashley who I work with at the salon she invites me to come over and go swimming at her pool so I said ok and as we were tanning I get a ph call usually I don't answer indie notified numbers but since I was looking for a job I answered it!!!!! Hi Mary Ellen?! ""Yes??!! " "This is Dana from child and family services, we have a 5 yr old little boy who needs a home ASAP!!! I had to ask all my caseworkers who has a family that can take one kid?! Your name was sent back to me!! I don't have any information on him except that he's cute and toe headed and has a great smile!!! He is being removed from his house today and we need a home for him right now, I need to know if u can take him?! " "ummmm ok well let me call my husband?!" "Ok well call me back ASAP!!!!!!". So I called my hubby and talked to him for 15 min discussing the pros and cons when I get a phone call from dana asking me if I've talked to my hubby I told I am at the moment and she tells me ok well call me ASAP and just to let u know he has a great smile and is toe headed and the cutest kid!!!! In my head I'm thinking I don't care what the kid looks like I want to know how he behaves?!
So let me back up a bit when we talked to our caseworker we told her we did NOT want certain behaviors in in our home especially since this will be our first kid. We also did NOT NOT NOT want to be put on the list to be called at a moments notice!! So to get this call was not what we thought would happen?! So in my mind as I'm talking to my hubby and Dana I'm thinking this kid is supposed to be in our home if we are being asked so blindly!!
I forgot to mention I called michael at work and when I got a hold of him I told him to sit down!! Mind u we are definitely not expecting a ph call from dcfs!! so I hear him sit down and I'm all r u ready for this?! Remember I'm looking for a job!! So I tell him and it's a good thing he was sitting down cause that was a lot to take in. He thought I was gonna tell him I found a job!! But I wouldn't have told him to sit down unless I'd be making 100k a yr lol which would never happen!!!! So in a half hr of talking he kind of left it up to me!! That's a big decision to leave up to one spouse but I had to go with what I was feeling!!!
Then came panic and stress and emotions!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was still at the pool mind u so I had to leave and I thought I had to go pick him up and we had just let my xo worker at the salon borrow it for the wk!!! So I was panicky and called her I had some extra car seats so she headed over! Then I had to hurry and straighten up the house and vacuum! Then they came with the car seat and it ended up I didn't have to pick him up they were going to bring him so I didn't need the car seat and my mother in law had a booster we could borrow since he is 5 I didn't need the front facing car seat!! Hey I'm learning I didn't know which car seat went to what kind of kid?! I do know which one goes for a baby give me some credit!!!! So michael comes home and we had two Char Mona heather and baby Sophia all there and we are just taking and I'm meeting baby Sophia who is chars granddaughter and her mom heather for the first time ( Sophia was placed up for adoption to heather by chars daughter Sammy they have a very open adoption and it has been so nice to see that side of it since I'm adopted) so as I'm meeting them I'm an emotional wreck!!! I just start crying when I see char and heather who has been through all this emotion too gave me a hug and said its ok it'll be fun and a great experience!!!
Well they left and michael ad I talked about everything!!! Then about 4 hrs after I told them we would take him we got a ph call saying they are on their way to the house!!! That's when I freaked out!!! I was emotional before about some other things and stress of having everything but this time it was about What have I done!!!!!!! So we said a prayer and a half hr later they were saying they were here!!! Then u start panicking and freaking out what have we done?! Michael finally calms me down and in time for the phone call that said we are here!!!!

And we are still waiting!!

Heard from our caseworker and was wondering how we were doing. I asked her why we hasn't heard from anything yet?! She suggested we make some changes to our limitations we haven't really discussed it because we have had some employment changes and focusing on that. In the meantime I keep wondering if we will get a phone call!!!! This is gonna be short and sweet so that's all folks!!!

Mothers day

Some of you might think this would be a hard holiday for me but it's not. I may not be a mother to the worlds eyes but I am a mother. I am a mother figure to my nephews and nieces and all my friends kids! My mom is a great mom and has taught me a lot, the one thing she has taught me is to love everyone I've taken that to a different level on my own. I have opened my heart to anything and am willing to except (well I can't say everything) some things more than others! We are waiting for a call and we have been waiting for two weeks now luckily I have been busy and I haven't thought about it much but today I am thinking about it!!!! I'm at church and probably should be listening to the talks but I'm being selfish and thinking about my feelings and wanting to express them. Especially those that are going through the same thing as me I wish that they will have a peaceful mothers day and know that you are loved by me and by others and especially your Heavenly Father!!

Another meeting and more paperwork!!!!

So we met with our caseworker two wks ago and she explained a lot to us and answered all of our questions which was good cause we had a lot!!!! We filled out more paperwork and answered more questions and she was really nice! She actually is going through the trying to get pregnant thing right now and it reminded me of what we have been through and wondering if one more try and it'll happen?! The hoping game sucks cause you don't want to hope otherwise you are so disappointed when it doesn't work out! It's been about 2 years since we were really trying and going to drs and all of the people around us were pregnant and having their babies and now they are most of them on their second pregnancies! I'm so happy for everyone around us and can't wait to see their little ones ,but I just want one I want to have one feeling one little movement in my belly one little joy or skipped heartbeat for my little one when they hand them in my arms!!! I've heard a couple of friends or family who are trying for another child and it's not happening when they want it to happen and how disappointed they are that it's taken them a couple of months or more and that they might be going through what we r going through and I just wanna tell them to shut the hell up and how dare you tell me that you are having a hard time and.know what I'm going through!!!! I don't have feelings come up like this as often as they used to and when I was thinking of what I was going to write this wasn't even in my thought, but I guess I've hidden a lot of those feelings and thought they were deeper than I thought!! The caseworker asked if we had resolved our feelings towards infertility and were ok to handle fostering I told her yes cause the issue of infertility never goes away just like an alcoholic u take it one day at a time and everyday can be a struggle but after twenty years of sobriety they can falter too just like I did on this post! I am looking forward to getting a call saying would you and your husband like to take in a child and maybe I will be able to have my heart skip a beat?!

A little bump in the road

This last Monday I got a phone call at 8am which isn't too unusual. The voice on the other side was a lady saying your husband has been in an accident he's ok and u can talk to him. He tells me he's ok so I'm hurrying to put on my clothes and then his ph is calling me so I answer and it's a guy telling me he is gonna be in an ambulance and I don't know if u will get here in time before he leaves. As he's telling me this I'm putting on my pants and freaking out and almost fall flat on my face. So the accident was a mile from our house so I hurry and get there and it doesn't look good! I didn't see my husband and started crying and then they told me he was still in the car so I see him and he's ok but doesn't want to take the ambulance I said ok. Later the fireman told me to make him take the ambulance luckily we did!!!!! I took a couple of pictures cause I heard that's the best thing to do. So they get him out of the car and I get in my car and hurry back to the house cause I've been running and freaking out I was starting to have an asthma attack so I went home and got my medicine and put on a bra and hat since I kinda just threw things on!!! Then got to the hospital and had to wait till they checked him in! 9am he's all checked in. 3pm we r checking out!!! He has a full body brace on for his back because he has a compressed bone fracture in his lower back. He has to wear it for four months!!!! He can't bend over he has to shower with the brace and can't do much of anything!!!! While we were waiting to see what was wrong maybe about 10 11 I get a oh call from the ladies insurance wanting a statement!!!! Ummm hes in a lot of pain and under pain Meds so no u can't talk to him idiot!!!!!! The car is totaled!!! So I have to find a new car while he's laid up! When I was helping him with his shower he told me honey you remember when they asked us if we wanted to take in a handicapped child or special needs child? I said yes! He says well I think u can definately take care of any child!!!! So I think once we get our ph call from our caseworker we will postpone a child till he gets better! :(

Ok we can breathe now!!!

So we went through our classes and the next day I got an email from our licensor saying she will be on medical leave and someone will be contacting us to set up our time to get licensed. Well maybe 2 hrs later she called and I set up a time and told Michael! Well michael is my voice of reason he said there is no way we can get it done by then! Soooo we rescheduled to the 29th. Our second room was our catch all room and it needed to be cleaned out so everyday after work I would clean little by little. We also had to get things! One of my friends started a fb page and got people to donate stuff for us which was so amazing!! Then another friend asked her ward members to donate as well! So we didn't really have to buy too much. Luckily there is ksl I purchased a crib on there and some bedding. Then I decided to take this wk off from doing hair to get things cleaned and clean our carpets! My hubby is fabulous and let me hire someone to do some deep cleaning while I did the little things. Once they left I picked up the carpet cleaner and my parents came over to bring a bed for us so we didn't have to make another big purchase right away. So wed night my sis in law was amazing and did us a huge favor and installed some door locks for us. She's so handy!!!!! Then Thursday me and the hubby cleaned and did some more straightening up and waited for the licensor to come. She measured our room and we can only have one child it needs to be 120sq ft and ours is 110 seriously 10 ft is keeping us from having two kids! There are two sometimes three kids in these rooms!! Oh well I should be grateful for having one kid!! So she came checked out our place and asked us a ton of questions! Well we passed!!!! She is inputting our info today and Tuesday's is when the caseworkers get together and go over new foster parents and we will get our own caseworker and we will ask a bunch more questions and then maybe by the end of april we will have a kid!!!!!

We have such wonderful frinds and family!!!

So I posted a little note on facebook asking if anyone had one of those 4-in-1 crib beds for $100 or cheaper. One of my friends said she had a booster seat she could give us which was fabulous!!! Cause we need to have car seats and a bed or crib to get licensed. Then i started texting my wonderful friend Megan and was telling her how I wasfreaking out about all the stuff I have to get. She suggested starting a page to get all our friends and family to donate toys clothes, andother things. So far wehave some toys a high chair and a couple of other things. Oh did I mention my friend Megan is giving us her car seat stroller combo!!!! Which is fabulous cause those are expensive. I can't believe how generous people are!!

Finished our classes

So I haven't been on for a couple of weeks, but we have finished ou classes. The last class was my hubby's favorite cause we talked about cultures and traditions. We had our little graduation and the next day I heard from our licensor!!!!! AAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!! I want to hurry and get these kids , but my hubby has the voice of reason!!! He said there is no way can get our house ready in 2 weeks!!! WAH! BUT it's true. I have tried a little bit everyday to clean a little area of our little condo, but we have so much crap that we have accumilated and we I haven't used our space that we have very well. So the pressure has begun. Yesterday I took church off (which I shouldn't have)!!! and organized our laundry room again and started cleaning our room which I shouldn't say I started yesterday cause I hadn't I have been working little by little! BUT I did deep cleaning!! It was sooo beautiful and warm I guess you could say I was spring cleaning.
For the past three years I have been wanting to turn our mattress over well I finally did!!! OH MY GOSH!!! Never repeat never move a king size bed by yourself!!! I think I died more than once yesterday!! So since I have several paintings I painted in my youth I have no space for them so I decided to put them under the bed so that means you have to clean under the bed!!!! DOUBLE OH MY GOSH!!! I am so surprised I didn't have a major asthma attack! I have never seen so many dust bunnies and magazines from when we were first married. Well I did it I cleaned that sucker and flipped my bed and today I am going to swicth our unmatching nightstands since it works better for the area. then hopefully we can move some extra things that we have in our second bedroom into our bedroom.
On that note the second bedroom I think I have found the colors I want to paint!! Now I am brave enough to do it aauugghhh! LOL let me just chek out one more color that I found the swatch to underneath our bed yesterday!! LOL

Stepped away to look at a few things

So I haven't typed any new posts lately cause we have been trying to figure out a lot of things!!! There is soooo much to consider age groups, mental, physical behaviors. We don't have any kids and we have only had our nieces and nephews stay with us a night or two , but this is a day to day thing. I tell someone what we are doing and they chime in their answer "oh you want someone young, cause teenagers have too many problems" ( I know i have said this before) In our classes those seem to be the ones that need the most love.
Our class on Valentine's Day was on Impacts of abuse on development. There was a video of this man telling his story that he lived in an alchoholic family and was never taught anything. He didn't graduate and before he turned 18 he had been arrested 24 times. The police officer told him that will be the last time you will be tried as a juvenile next time an adult. Well that was the first person he said cared enough to tell him something. So he started working at a fancy furniture store delivering and setting it up. He was taught culture and enjoyed it. One delivery he made was to a surgeon who he had him set up his furniture and told him to come by again. Well the boy did and would almost every weekend. The surgeon and him would watch football , eat, talk, etc. He said one time the surgeon took a nap and he was ok with him staying and watching the ame on tv. So the surgeon asked him why haven't you finished High School? He didn't really give a good enough answer so the surgeon said just do it!!! So he did he got his diploma, went on to college, went onto medical school. While doing surgeon rotations the boy now a man got this big adrenilane rush doing surgery and now he is a top thorassic SP? surgeon. His adrenilane rush that he had stealing cars breaking in was all put into surgery!!! All because one man gave him the respect and trust that he needed to move on.
So does this mean we are going to take in a teenager? I don't know.
Although it has been put off for a little longer than I had hoped, but in one of our classes they told us if we have a vacation coming wait till after that to foster. So that is in August , but I still want to DO SOMETHING. So we might do respite care till we get back from our trip. Respite care are people who take in foster kids for a period of time, not long though. While the foster parents go out of town. Some parents wont allow their child to go on vacation with their foster families so they send them to a temporary home while they leave. That way we can have a feel of how this all works!!! Take in some teenagers and all agesthen we can decide what we can handle!!!

Adoption

So our class last Thursday was on adoption. We watched this video of this older man who was raised in the foster system and was never adopted and his little brother got adopted. This man went to grad school started a foundation and did amazing things in his life. All he wanted was to have a family to share it with and someone to be proud of him. WOW!!!!! About every other time I tell someone we are going to foster to adopt people ask how old are we going to go up to? Well honestly we really haven't decided, but someone always chimes in and says you don't want a childthis age or older cause of all the baggage they would bring with them!!! Well Look at this man yes he may have brought drama to someofthe families he was with, but all he wanted was LOVE. That just kills me!!! How can you turn your back on any child?!
For those of you who read this and don't know me I am adopted. I was born in Sacramento, CA and then I went to live with foster parents for about 2 months cause my birth dad would not claim Iwas his child. Finally after 2 months he religuished his rights soI can be adopted. I was raised by 2 WONDREFUL PARENTS!!!!! Yes we had our DIFFICULTIES!!! Who doesn't?
In our class a question was asked who has a harder time adjusting to their new families? A baby or a foster child? I blurted out a foster child cause they know what hashappenedin their life and itprobably was bad. Well the correct answer is a baby!! I was like HUH?! Then she explained afoster child knows what has happened in their past and knows that they can't be with their parents, they know who they look like they have pictures of their families. A baby doesn't know where they come from! That blew me away!! It finally hit me why I have had such a hard time trying to find out who I was and get my bearings. I still wonder what it would be like to seesomeone who looks like me!! I will always wonder. I have a whole in my life that will be filled , but probably not in this lifetime.
My mom always tells me when they got me it was an adjustment for me. My mom says she really believes that hearing my birht mothers voice for 9 months and then going to my foster parents and THEN finally to my parents. That I didn't coo or laugh or smile for the longest time. Cause I was being taken from one familiar place to another. During the class the teacher told us that their is a study that babies have a have a harder time adjusting then kids do. That if they held a baby and said I know it's tough and I know your scared and I know you are wondering where you are at while rocking them they adjust faster. Then saying Ther there it's gonna be ok don't worry you are ok, while rocking them.
WHO KNEW?!

Answers

So the hubby and I decided we needed to fast and pray  about our decisions with jobs and fostering. Well today we had our prayers answered. I did not get the job that would get us out of debt, so we are meant to have these children in our lives.
Luckily we didn't have to make that decision the Lord provided and we will do what he wants us to do. Now i've got to hurry and get our house ready for these special children to enter our lives.

Decisions

So we have some decisions to make. I have been wanting to find a more part time job so I can work at the salon a little more but the main reason is to be at home more to take care of our foster kids. Well I found a perfect job for that. I had an interview tonight and I think it went great. Now here comes the biggest decision. My friend told me her work is hiring and the pay AWESOME, but it's full time. and there would be no way to be able to take care of the foster kids. We can pay our debt off whic would be fabulous!!! BUT no children in our lives. Which I have always wanted.
So I have not been told officially that I am unable to get pregnant. We were told we could try again with our procedure, but if it didn't workthen to go to injections or invitro. Well I didn't want to do injections and we don't have 10k easily available for invitro. SOOOOO do we get a job that will possibly let us have our own child? Or if we don't put that extra money towards that then we just postpone getting into foster care.
I haven't been offered any job yet I haven't even had an interviewfor the ft job, but I'm already stressing over this decision.
I want children in my life so I guess a decision has been made?! Or has it?!

The Bathroom

So for the past 2 yrs in the same month we have had a flood in our guest bathroom. The ceiling keeps getting worse, luckily I have a FABULOUS father in law that came and helped us with our ceiling. Michael and him patched it up and it looked fabulous. Then he came over a couple of days later and painted our WHOLE bathroom. That was the best surprise ever!!!! I'm so excited on how good it looks. So why am I talking about a bathroom on this kind of blog? Well when you foster you have case workers that come to make sure you are normal and your house is safe and in good standing with codes. So we definatlely had to fix our bathroom ceiling.

The class that you don't want to know it even exists!!

So our class on Thursday was the first class that Michael could attend and the representative from utah foster care told us you don't want to start with this class. Well Michael did. I think it was god to get it done and out of the way. It was the class on all types of abuse with an emphasis on sexual abuse. The first hour we saw a movie on how Maine's foster system handles cases and we went along with some cases that they were handling. One was on physicalabuse, another was on neglect which they had as their house was unsafe for the child to live in cause of hoarding issues, another was on sexual and then a mom had dropped her 2 little girls off till she was able to get back on her feet. After an hour of it you are drained. Then we talked for another hour on what we should do in instances. Then we watched an 80's episodeof Oprah on how this father molested his daughters. Then we talked some more. I was so exhausted from it as soons as I got home I went to bed. It was a lot to take in.

I'm glad that class is over. I hope and pray that the children that come intoour home never have to deal with any tyoe of abuse.

Feelings

Sunday I announced in relief society in our "good news" segment that we have decided to foster. Then we had a lesson which was good, but then my mind would wander into feelings of not having my own child. How when I was a little girl my dream was to own a pink station wagon (which has changed luckily) and to have 8 children which has lessened but not by much!!! I always wanted to be the mommy I loved babysitting I would take the new babies in the ward and hold them as soon as I could. I didn't or don't understand the one thing I have ever wanted in my whole entire life was never going to happen. How could God do that to me? Have I been that bad in my life? What did I do to not get the desire of my life? Why is this the hardest thing he gave to me? Why couldn't it be something else?! I want to blame God so badly, BUT I know He has a bigger plan for me. So I can't blame him. So who can I blame?

Everyone has been so nice and offer their advice. Like you just need to relax, Once you forget about it , it will happen, You will have a baby you just have to be patient. If I hear one more piece of advice on how to get  pregnant I will smack someone upside the head!!!!!! You don't have the right to give me advice you have no idea what I have been through I have relaxed I have forgotten about it I have been patient!!!! Just show some empathy that's all I want!!!! I didn't ask for advice especially from someone who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat!! You have no clue what I am going through.

These are all the feelings I have and will always have I will never get over it. I know the family and friends who are going through the same thing feel the same as me. I am voicing out my frustrations and I have every right to this is my BLOG if this offends you I am not sorry! If you have given me advice like the ones I have explained Sorry , but thanks for the advice!

I am still planning on fostering, but this blog is about infertility and being someone else's mommy.

Oops I hit something and it posted. Part 2 of my first class

So ... Oh yeah my hair was cute!!! j/k We introduced eachother and it was a get to know you segment which was nice to meet different people. Then we had a break and watched a movie that was from Canada and it involved a Native. When he was 4 him and his 7 brothers and sisters were taken from their parents because they drank alcohol and were seperated for a good 13 years when they reunited at their brothers funeral!! He was passed from house to house and group home from group home and beaten. He was so depressed he tried commiting suicide about 4 times and eventually he achieved it. The first minute or so of thismovie they show him hanging from a tree. They wanted you to see what the system did to him. And how the system failed him and his siblings. Since 1984 when he passed away they have changed the laws considerably. One thing this boy mentioned in his journale that when he was in the hospital a nurse held him and how it felt so strange to be held and so good at the same time. Thst boy was never once hugged loved or paid any attention to! I hope I will never be that person I hope and pray that I will love all of those kids that walk through our door and into our HOME!!! No child should know what it's like to not be loved!!!

My first day of classes

So today I posted on facebook finally people in on that very personal part of my life and letting them know we will be fostering and hoping to adopt. I got an overwhelming response and I am so greatful for it. So today as I'm filling out the  paperwork all of a sudden I am saddened ,because this is kind of it. That was my announcement letting people know (I was pregnant) in a sense, but I will never feel that child in my tummy the feeling of butterflies or bubbles, or the morning sickness, or going through labor and screaming at my husband saying you did this to me!!!!!!! @#$)*&& lol. I will never have a baby shower!!!! UUGGHHH yeah when you foster it's all up to you!!!!! CRAP I just don't have to find one bed I have to have a couple different beds, cause if we have a baby we have to at least have a pack and play if we have an older kid we have to have a twin bed. UH OH I gotta have HOW MANY DIFFERENT CAR SEATS?!!! I have absolutely no clue on what car seat is suitable for which kid!!!!

So now I am in the excitement phase again!!! I get to find, trade, or borrow all of this stuff!!! So I guess I do get a baby shower it's just not conventional I guess? I don't know did thast make sense?!

So my first class was tonight! It went well the teacher is very nice and she mentioned I have cute hair! LOL

Fostering

So we had our first meeting today. We were asked all about how we would discipline, nurture, and be there always for the child. We asked a bunch of questions and after it was all over we were told we can go to the next step so tomorrow evening I have my first class on how to take care of these little munchkins!!!!

My title

It's never too late to become what you might have!

The year 2011 has been our year of roller coasters. In January we were told that one of our problems getting pregnant was a simple (yet pricey) fix. So we were excited. The other problem was me and when I was going to ovulate after purchasing several ovulation kits I finally ovulated in May!!!!!!! So we had our procedure and then we had to WAIT UUGGHHH!!!!! I hate the waiting game.
I waited 32 years to find my sweetheart now I have to wait for the one thing I always dreamt about. Well that wasn't the only time I waited we have been waiting for 2 years at this point, but this was the closest we have ever been. 2 weeks of waiting.
Well 1 week after our procedure I was bleeding so bad I was going through 2 pads an hour and cramping like I have never cramped in my life. Drove to go pick up my mom and then drove to the emergency room and was told I had an infection. End result I didn't get pregnant. Then we waited and found a new Dr. and he gave us even more hope.
So we had to wait an extra month and then do the clomid again and then he injected HCG to help me ovulate and I did and had another procedure and had to WAIT again. Sadly nothing happened again. This last month we would do the clomid again sadly no eggs were cooperating.

Soooo since I can not have my own child why not be help someone elses' child and act as a mommy till their mommy gets better or until we are allowed to adopt them.