Mothers day

Some of you might think this would be a hard holiday for me but it's not. I may not be a mother to the worlds eyes but I am a mother. I am a mother figure to my nephews and nieces and all my friends kids! My mom is a great mom and has taught me a lot, the one thing she has taught me is to love everyone I've taken that to a different level on my own. I have opened my heart to anything and am willing to except (well I can't say everything) some things more than others! We are waiting for a call and we have been waiting for two weeks now luckily I have been busy and I haven't thought about it much but today I am thinking about it!!!! I'm at church and probably should be listening to the talks but I'm being selfish and thinking about my feelings and wanting to express them. Especially those that are going through the same thing as me I wish that they will have a peaceful mothers day and know that you are loved by me and by others and especially your Heavenly Father!!

Another meeting and more paperwork!!!!

So we met with our caseworker two wks ago and she explained a lot to us and answered all of our questions which was good cause we had a lot!!!! We filled out more paperwork and answered more questions and she was really nice! She actually is going through the trying to get pregnant thing right now and it reminded me of what we have been through and wondering if one more try and it'll happen?! The hoping game sucks cause you don't want to hope otherwise you are so disappointed when it doesn't work out! It's been about 2 years since we were really trying and going to drs and all of the people around us were pregnant and having their babies and now they are most of them on their second pregnancies! I'm so happy for everyone around us and can't wait to see their little ones ,but I just want one I want to have one feeling one little movement in my belly one little joy or skipped heartbeat for my little one when they hand them in my arms!!! I've heard a couple of friends or family who are trying for another child and it's not happening when they want it to happen and how disappointed they are that it's taken them a couple of months or more and that they might be going through what we r going through and I just wanna tell them to shut the hell up and how dare you tell me that you are having a hard time and.know what I'm going through!!!! I don't have feelings come up like this as often as they used to and when I was thinking of what I was going to write this wasn't even in my thought, but I guess I've hidden a lot of those feelings and thought they were deeper than I thought!! The caseworker asked if we had resolved our feelings towards infertility and were ok to handle fostering I told her yes cause the issue of infertility never goes away just like an alcoholic u take it one day at a time and everyday can be a struggle but after twenty years of sobriety they can falter too just like I did on this post! I am looking forward to getting a call saying would you and your husband like to take in a child and maybe I will be able to have my heart skip a beat?!