Answers

So the hubby and I decided we needed to fast and pray  about our decisions with jobs and fostering. Well today we had our prayers answered. I did not get the job that would get us out of debt, so we are meant to have these children in our lives.
Luckily we didn't have to make that decision the Lord provided and we will do what he wants us to do. Now i've got to hurry and get our house ready for these special children to enter our lives.

Decisions

So we have some decisions to make. I have been wanting to find a more part time job so I can work at the salon a little more but the main reason is to be at home more to take care of our foster kids. Well I found a perfect job for that. I had an interview tonight and I think it went great. Now here comes the biggest decision. My friend told me her work is hiring and the pay AWESOME, but it's full time. and there would be no way to be able to take care of the foster kids. We can pay our debt off whic would be fabulous!!! BUT no children in our lives. Which I have always wanted.
So I have not been told officially that I am unable to get pregnant. We were told we could try again with our procedure, but if it didn't workthen to go to injections or invitro. Well I didn't want to do injections and we don't have 10k easily available for invitro. SOOOOO do we get a job that will possibly let us have our own child? Or if we don't put that extra money towards that then we just postpone getting into foster care.
I haven't been offered any job yet I haven't even had an interviewfor the ft job, but I'm already stressing over this decision.
I want children in my life so I guess a decision has been made?! Or has it?!

The Bathroom

So for the past 2 yrs in the same month we have had a flood in our guest bathroom. The ceiling keeps getting worse, luckily I have a FABULOUS father in law that came and helped us with our ceiling. Michael and him patched it up and it looked fabulous. Then he came over a couple of days later and painted our WHOLE bathroom. That was the best surprise ever!!!! I'm so excited on how good it looks. So why am I talking about a bathroom on this kind of blog? Well when you foster you have case workers that come to make sure you are normal and your house is safe and in good standing with codes. So we definatlely had to fix our bathroom ceiling.

The class that you don't want to know it even exists!!

So our class on Thursday was the first class that Michael could attend and the representative from utah foster care told us you don't want to start with this class. Well Michael did. I think it was god to get it done and out of the way. It was the class on all types of abuse with an emphasis on sexual abuse. The first hour we saw a movie on how Maine's foster system handles cases and we went along with some cases that they were handling. One was on physicalabuse, another was on neglect which they had as their house was unsafe for the child to live in cause of hoarding issues, another was on sexual and then a mom had dropped her 2 little girls off till she was able to get back on her feet. After an hour of it you are drained. Then we talked for another hour on what we should do in instances. Then we watched an 80's episodeof Oprah on how this father molested his daughters. Then we talked some more. I was so exhausted from it as soons as I got home I went to bed. It was a lot to take in.

I'm glad that class is over. I hope and pray that the children that come intoour home never have to deal with any tyoe of abuse.

Feelings

Sunday I announced in relief society in our "good news" segment that we have decided to foster. Then we had a lesson which was good, but then my mind would wander into feelings of not having my own child. How when I was a little girl my dream was to own a pink station wagon (which has changed luckily) and to have 8 children which has lessened but not by much!!! I always wanted to be the mommy I loved babysitting I would take the new babies in the ward and hold them as soon as I could. I didn't or don't understand the one thing I have ever wanted in my whole entire life was never going to happen. How could God do that to me? Have I been that bad in my life? What did I do to not get the desire of my life? Why is this the hardest thing he gave to me? Why couldn't it be something else?! I want to blame God so badly, BUT I know He has a bigger plan for me. So I can't blame him. So who can I blame?

Everyone has been so nice and offer their advice. Like you just need to relax, Once you forget about it , it will happen, You will have a baby you just have to be patient. If I hear one more piece of advice on how to get  pregnant I will smack someone upside the head!!!!!! You don't have the right to give me advice you have no idea what I have been through I have relaxed I have forgotten about it I have been patient!!!! Just show some empathy that's all I want!!!! I didn't ask for advice especially from someone who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat!! You have no clue what I am going through.

These are all the feelings I have and will always have I will never get over it. I know the family and friends who are going through the same thing feel the same as me. I am voicing out my frustrations and I have every right to this is my BLOG if this offends you I am not sorry! If you have given me advice like the ones I have explained Sorry , but thanks for the advice!

I am still planning on fostering, but this blog is about infertility and being someone else's mommy.

Oops I hit something and it posted. Part 2 of my first class

So ... Oh yeah my hair was cute!!! j/k We introduced eachother and it was a get to know you segment which was nice to meet different people. Then we had a break and watched a movie that was from Canada and it involved a Native. When he was 4 him and his 7 brothers and sisters were taken from their parents because they drank alcohol and were seperated for a good 13 years when they reunited at their brothers funeral!! He was passed from house to house and group home from group home and beaten. He was so depressed he tried commiting suicide about 4 times and eventually he achieved it. The first minute or so of thismovie they show him hanging from a tree. They wanted you to see what the system did to him. And how the system failed him and his siblings. Since 1984 when he passed away they have changed the laws considerably. One thing this boy mentioned in his journale that when he was in the hospital a nurse held him and how it felt so strange to be held and so good at the same time. Thst boy was never once hugged loved or paid any attention to! I hope I will never be that person I hope and pray that I will love all of those kids that walk through our door and into our HOME!!! No child should know what it's like to not be loved!!!

My first day of classes

So today I posted on facebook finally people in on that very personal part of my life and letting them know we will be fostering and hoping to adopt. I got an overwhelming response and I am so greatful for it. So today as I'm filling out the  paperwork all of a sudden I am saddened ,because this is kind of it. That was my announcement letting people know (I was pregnant) in a sense, but I will never feel that child in my tummy the feeling of butterflies or bubbles, or the morning sickness, or going through labor and screaming at my husband saying you did this to me!!!!!!! @#$)*&& lol. I will never have a baby shower!!!! UUGGHHH yeah when you foster it's all up to you!!!!! CRAP I just don't have to find one bed I have to have a couple different beds, cause if we have a baby we have to at least have a pack and play if we have an older kid we have to have a twin bed. UH OH I gotta have HOW MANY DIFFERENT CAR SEATS?!!! I have absolutely no clue on what car seat is suitable for which kid!!!!

So now I am in the excitement phase again!!! I get to find, trade, or borrow all of this stuff!!! So I guess I do get a baby shower it's just not conventional I guess? I don't know did thast make sense?!

So my first class was tonight! It went well the teacher is very nice and she mentioned I have cute hair! LOL

Fostering

So we had our first meeting today. We were asked all about how we would discipline, nurture, and be there always for the child. We asked a bunch of questions and after it was all over we were told we can go to the next step so tomorrow evening I have my first class on how to take care of these little munchkins!!!!

My title

It's never too late to become what you might have!

The year 2011 has been our year of roller coasters. In January we were told that one of our problems getting pregnant was a simple (yet pricey) fix. So we were excited. The other problem was me and when I was going to ovulate after purchasing several ovulation kits I finally ovulated in May!!!!!!! So we had our procedure and then we had to WAIT UUGGHHH!!!!! I hate the waiting game.
I waited 32 years to find my sweetheart now I have to wait for the one thing I always dreamt about. Well that wasn't the only time I waited we have been waiting for 2 years at this point, but this was the closest we have ever been. 2 weeks of waiting.
Well 1 week after our procedure I was bleeding so bad I was going through 2 pads an hour and cramping like I have never cramped in my life. Drove to go pick up my mom and then drove to the emergency room and was told I had an infection. End result I didn't get pregnant. Then we waited and found a new Dr. and he gave us even more hope.
So we had to wait an extra month and then do the clomid again and then he injected HCG to help me ovulate and I did and had another procedure and had to WAIT again. Sadly nothing happened again. This last month we would do the clomid again sadly no eggs were cooperating.

Soooo since I can not have my own child why not be help someone elses' child and act as a mommy till their mommy gets better or until we are allowed to adopt them.