Sunday I announced in relief society in our "good news" segment that we have decided to foster. Then we had a lesson which was good, but then my mind would wander into feelings of not having my own child. How when I was a little girl my dream was to own a pink station wagon (which has changed luckily) and to have 8 children which has lessened but not by much!!! I always wanted to be the mommy I loved babysitting I would take the new babies in the ward and hold them as soon as I could. I didn't or don't understand the one thing I have ever wanted in my whole entire life was never going to happen. How could God do that to me? Have I been that bad in my life? What did I do to not get the desire of my life? Why is this the hardest thing he gave to me? Why couldn't it be something else?! I want to blame God so badly, BUT I know He has a bigger plan for me. So I can't blame him. So who can I blame?
Everyone has been so nice and offer their advice. Like you just need to relax, Once you forget about it , it will happen, You will have a baby you just have to be patient. If I hear one more piece of advice on how to get pregnant I will smack someone upside the head!!!!!! You don't have the right to give me advice you have no idea what I have been through I have relaxed I have forgotten about it I have been patient!!!! Just show some empathy that's all I want!!!! I didn't ask for advice especially from someone who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat!! You have no clue what I am going through.
These are all the feelings I have and will always have I will never get over it. I know the family and friends who are going through the same thing feel the same as me. I am voicing out my frustrations and I have every right to this is my BLOG if this offends you I am not sorry! If you have given me advice like the ones I have explained Sorry , but thanks for the advice!
I am still planning on fostering, but this blog is about infertility and being someone else's mommy.
You will be an amazing blessing in a child's life! Don't worry about what other people think, sometimes they feel they are trying to help, even though it breaks your heart a little more. Love ya lots!
ReplyDeleteI HATED the comments from people who said I ONLY got pregnant because we adopted our foster child. Statistically speaking, pregnancy after adoption only happens in less than 10% of the cases in America. But you hear about them a lot. It drives me crazy! Yes, I can tell you stories of people who got pregnant after adopting. But I can tell you FAR more stories of friends who are still not pregnant.
ReplyDeleteLove you! Foster care is HARD HARD HARD! I always knew (though I don't know how or why I knew) that our 2nd would come through foster care. He did. He has changed our family forever. He's finally getting stable-- even after 6 years of here.
You can do it. It will be hard, but you can do it. And so can Michael.
Sarah
I am so excited for your upcoming journey as a foster parent MaryEllen! :)
ReplyDeleteOh Mary Ellen I am so dang proud of you honey. after sitting here reading all of this I have real tears running down my face and all I want to do is give you a great big hug.♥ I have no "how to get preggers" advice for you but do want to say I wish I could take back all of the stupid things people have said to you(or at least kick them in the head for it!!!) I do know that this journey you are on will be the adventure of your life, although not the one you planned, but none the less a life changing, exciting, adventure! with all the love and strength you have you will be changing or should I say saving some beautiful little ones life. You are one of the kindest souls I know and will make a GREAT MOMMY!!!!!
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